so a while back.  oh say, in 2005 or so i left my life and job to move to a completely different place and to try and move my career there or start a new one.  well, that move was followed by another a few months later.  this time a foreign country.  now i had no job prospects whatsoever.  something about small town germany not really needing a theatre technician.  who knows.

so after many, many attempts to find work in the field i loved, i gave up and learned a new trade – framing.  now, i learned that framing included many things i loved.  i got to build things and use tools. (several of which were pneumatic even)  and they were sharp and i got stitches.  and i got to play with pretty things and make them beautiful.  i like art.  i enjoy looking at it, and critiquing it, and just generally producing it.

but then i moved again and i gave up again and i started a new job circa 2007.  now this job is vastly different from my previous ones.  and while i get to enjoy various places, meet people i would have met any other way, spend time outside, and learn other new skills; i still miss my old life.

i dream that i continued in theatre and i miss those i used to work with. i miss the rapport and the production of art.  the constant repetition.  i can watch the same show every night of the week and twice on some days and still enjoy it.  i enjoy having to repeat the same actions the exact same way every time. i enjoy the obsessiveness of it.  and the craziness.  making people onstage deal with the ridiculous things we did off stage.

now don’t get me wrong i like my life for the most part now a days, but every so often i think of what could have been.  i start looking at blogs and myspace and find those i knew from high school, college, and work.  and i want to contact them, but i don’t know where to start.  what do you say? “hi, i miss my old life and just long for things to be as they were years ago.  continue knowing everything about my life as i know everything about yours.”  i’m not so good at that.  i wonder what my friends (can i still call them that) think of my life now.  do they approve? do they still think of me?  am i still their friend?  and then i realize that i shouldn’t worry so much about this.  that i like what i’m doing now and that i chose to do so.  that i need to let go, but late at night i wonder and it’s hard.

call please.


~ by lapawlow on Monday, 14 September, 2009.

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