a post for me

so here i am, sitting on the eve of my birthday and i wonder what the heck i’m going to do now.  where exactly do i go from here.  over the last 4 years i’ve managed to complete the only goal i ever had in life and then completely re-arrange my life.  after supporting myself in the rather difficult world of technical theatre i opted to chose a life that wouldn’t allow me to work in a manner that would be considered contributing to household income, but i did get to live in a foreign country for at least a year.  (this i think is a huge plus.  i love europe)  but this last of being self sufficient has really made me feel like less of a person and the idea now that i’m going to go back and be self sufficient in a radically different career is frightining to me.  more so than it ever was before.  i’m terrified of not having a ‘safety net’  gah.  i want to change things, yet i want to remain the same.  how is that logical or even possible.  more so i’m afraid i’m going to fail.  yet again i’ve chosen a career that is less than easy to get into.  now once i do here, i’m set, but the initial secletion is not in my favour currently.  i think i should let things go and stopworrying.  just assume and let things take care of themselves, but i’m totally not going to do that.  i’m too ocd.  ah well, i’ll think about it.  lets see where things take me.

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~ by lapawlow on Friday, 29 December, 2006.

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